


I don't deserve your love

by Katnis_Newt_Salvatore_Dumbledore_Petrova (Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen), Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 20:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13039284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen/pseuds/Katnis_Newt_Salvatore_Dumbledore_Petrova, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen/pseuds/Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen
Summary: "I don't deserve your loveBut you give it to me anywayCan't get enoughYou're everything I needAnd when I walk awayYou take off running and come right after meIt's what you doAnd I don't deserve you"-----I Don't Deserve Youby Paul van Dyk





	I don't deserve your love

**Author's Note:**

> I have written this story basing it around Canada, because Shawn lives there. Now I've never been outside Asia, let alone New For Canada. So please try not to be harsh on me if my descriptions of places are incorrect.

Liberty village is as beautiful as Raima has seen in pictures. It's been 2 years since she shifted in Toronto from New Orleans, but whenever she comes to High Park for some peace, she finds it as calming as Bay of Bengal beaches in India or the Art galleries of NOLA. She always enjoys shifts of places, while missing the previous places too.

She cannot spend much time in the park today though, she was hungry, running late for work which rarely ever happens and has a low mood. She grabbed her bike and stopped straight at Fat bastard, she loves the battered fish here. After all, she was half Bengali. Fish is her speciality. 

* * *

She couldn't help staring at the tall hooded guy who looked like he needed a hug. She was a sucker for introverts and she needed to pamper whoever was in pain. And she was always the quickest to jump to conclusions about everyone, as nerdy as she is. So she couldn't concentrate on her fish and kept fidgeting.

When the guy finished his coffee and stood up, there was a smile in his pale face. Raima felt stupid because of her earlier thoughts. But it also looked like the guy was smiling at her. She didn't let it bother her anymore, finished food and hurried off to work.

* * *

 

Sebastian was a regular 27 year old teacher. He teaches Sociology in a Junior high school. He saw the pretty brown girl looking at him worriedly and he could feel her large brown eyes all over his face. "So beautiful!", he thought. He had no idea what he did to make her interested in him, but he wasn't going to let it go. He doesn't follow girls around, that's just not who he is. But he has to know her.

His friends have called him a hundred times today and begged him not to act like a normal person again, but whenever he comes to Toronto, he tries to ignore his famous life and take a disguise of Sebastian Smith, not Shawn Mendes. He will be Sebastian when he knows her, and that has to be within a month.

* * *

 

Raima turns 24 today, she misses her parents on days like this. It's been two years since she's been to NOLA, and seen her parents. She misses India too. Today she celebrated with her colleagues and face timed with her parents. 

She spotted the guy in High Park the next day. He is wearing a navy blue hoodie and shades. Why shades? It's hardly sunny. Raima ignored the questions thrown at her by her brain, and sat on a quiet bench.

After a good 20 minutes (she was checking her watch a little too much), the guy started leaving the park. When she thought he is going to go out of the gate, she saw him throw an empty packet of chips in the bin and return to his place. Raima saighed and finally worked the courage to go sit beside him.

Sebastian smiled at her and immediately reached out his hand to help her sit. "Hi there", he said like a somewhat lunatic. She smiled and said, "Hey, I'm Raima. Raima Tremblay."

"Sebastian. Did you get bored sitting back there?"

"No, I just needed the sun on my face. Speaking of, it's not that sunny for a shade." Raima smiled.

His smile faded a little bit, "I just, I have a little UV Ray problem."

She nodded, "That's fine. I was just teasing." She opened her laptop and went back to work. It was a comfortable silence sitting beside him. He was painting, she noticed. It wasn't very good but his colour choice was pretty. After a while both of them said formal goodbyes and went back to their own life. None of them seemed to be the flirty type anyway.

* * *

 "You could've sweeped her off of her feet!", Camila screamed. She was Shawn's best friend and she couldn't accept the fact that he missed two golden opportunities.

"She can't  _know._ Not yet. I want her to know me for who I am, not my fame or name."

"You're not an introvert, not a teacher, no UV Ray problem that I know of ; and you certainly don't paint in your free time. It's not who you are! You're simply  _lying and pretending falsely!_ " Camila Cabello can be scary when she is angry.

Shawn laughed nervously and said firmly, "It's the only way. Telling her who I am is not a choice."

Camila said, "See I get it. Don't tell her you're famous. Tell her you're a teacher, alright. But at least say something about you that's true. Not singing perhaps, but that you can play the piano, that you love cats, chocolate cake and me." She giggled after cracking the joke, "and that you hate tomatoes. Tell her that you love ice hockey and soccer!"

"Or the fact that you have a phD in me. 'Who is your best friend Sebastian?' Camila Cabello. Oh wait, can't tell her that can I?" Shawn laughed.

* * *

 

Raima had her first date with Sebastian when he 'accidentally' ordered a red velvet cake for her and didn't stop staring at her until she raised one of her eyebrows questioningly. They roamed around the streets in the afternoon and he even walked her home. He said he'd come inside one day, but that day he had his piano class.

Even her parents sounded impressed when she told them about him. His manners, nature, taste in art - she was fascinated. She always knew she was sapiosexual, but never felt this strong a connection with anyone after getting to know them. She even rewatched 'Before sunrise' out of excitement. This guy could be the death of her, or her singlehood.

* * *

One of Raima's colleagues was Ezra, who wouldn't stop bothering her. Everytime she liked someone remotely, he would start insulting him. Everytime she liked something, he would buy it for her after her thousand refusals. She felt sorry for not feeling anything for him, but her sympathy didn't mean that he could say anything about anyone. This time wasn't any different.

Raima doesn't know if he spies on her or not, but he wouldn't have known about this from anyone. There he was, waiting for Raima to enter her office.

Ezra : "Hey there."

"Hi"

"You know I've been thinking.."

"Oh have you?" Raima ignored him and directly went to one of her friends.

Ezra walked over to that desk and said, "You see I don't want to say this in front of Spencer but..."

She interrupted him, "Then don't say it at all. We're talking, if you'll excuse us?" She immediately started talking Spencer about something to make him go away.

When she was working alone at noon, he hovered over her desk again, "That guy in black hoodies doesn't seem to be trustworthy if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you." Raima kept typing.

"I care about you, he could..."

"He could do whatever he wanted do, as could you or anyone else in the world I talk to. Are you quite finished?" Raima finished her work hurriedly and called an Uber to get rid of him.

* * *

Raima was on the phone with her best friend Gabe, he was sitting in New Orleans, listening to his bff rant, "I can't take him. Why doesn't he stop talking for the love of seven hells and let me be? This has been going on for more than a year now. I meet a guy, Ezra stalks me, says something bad about him, I tell him to bugger off, he continues stalking anyway. Sometimes I suspect he is the cause of every break up I ever had!"

Gabe : "No honey. Listen, you're one in a million. Can't blame him to regret letting you go. Don't worry, those pigs weren't meant for you. You'll get a man." 

"Letting me go? I never let him near me or make a move. Just because I'm polite.....!" This went on.

* * *

Sebastian looked so cute today. And familiar. Raima couldn't place who he looked like.

"Has anyone told you that you look like Josh Bogert? Also Grant Gustin." Raima said.

"Yeah I get that a lot in school. Hey are you hungry?" 

"I'm always hungry." She smiled and let him hold her hand casually. They were both grinning.

Sebastian made cheesy macaroni in her won kitchen and the smell was incredible. She felt like she was flying. "What can't you do? First piano, then ice hockey, now cooking?"

"You make me sound like a talented guy lol", he smiled.

Raima's eyes popped out, "I know who you look like! You look so much like Shawn Mendes! How did I not see it before?"

Sebastian stiffened, but his smile came back, "I get that too, but actually my father looks like Grant Gustin's father. I guess my cheeks are like Mendes."

"I bet your best friend analyzed that." Raima said with her mouthful of pasta.

Sebastian chuckled and gave her a glass of soda.

 

They were watching Troy sitting on her sofa, both unattractively chewing chips and gulping Coke. They felt like they've known each other forever. They had their nerd mode on and they were analyzing historical characters and actors. 

"Well that was only my third time watching Troy. You?" Said Raima.

"I actually only watched it with Dad when I was a kid. Forgot almost all of it. It was great." 

They both reached for the chips together and it was suddenly like a romance novel. Instead of eating chips, their hands touched and magically reached up to each other's faces.

They kissed for a few seconds and then ate chips, giggling hysterically.

* * *

"Can't you tell her now?" Camila won't give up.

"If I do, she might freak out. Or just simply hate me for lying." Shawn shook his head.

"You coward", Camila threw a pillow at him.

Meanwhile Gabe was screaming in her phone, "Raima Meri maa(meaning Raima my mom), show me his picture now!"

"I don't have a picture of him. He looks a lot like Shawn Mendes, but his best friend said that he has cheeks like Grant Gustin."

"Must be a sight for sore eyes." Gabe exclaimed.

"Hey you! I know you prefer both but not him!" Raima teased her bisexual bff.

* * *

 Sebastian and Raima were the talk of Liberty village now for almost four months. They can be seen in any place all over Toronto, provided it's not crowded.

"No Rayma, let's not go to High Park right now please." Sebastian pouted.

"Not Rayma, it's Raima. Raa-eee-maa." She punched him slightly.

"Got it sweetheart. Now let's go to some place that's less crowded."

"I don't know what you have with people. They don't bite." She sounded a bit frustrated.

Sebastian held her palm and apologetically said, "No but they make me nervous. Please?"

She nodded and off they went.

 

That day, Ezra did the worst he could do. He looked into Sebastian's school files, called him fake in front of all Raima's colleagues, even said that he is a disguised fraud. Her mood was so bad, that one time Sebastian even saw her wipe a tear. But he wouldn't ask her unless she was ready to talk about her day.

They had a ritual. Whenever any of them felt low, he would play the piano and she would sing. Camila and Gae both know how amazing they sound together from recordings, and Camila couldn't be happier.

"She sings! That's so perfect!"

That day, she chose to sing 'Wolves' by Selena Gomez.

"In your eyes, there's a heavy blueO

One to love and one to lose

Sweet divide, a heavy truth  
Water or wine, don't make me choose

I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night (night)  
Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky"

He looked at her like she wasn't real. 

She sang to him like an angel would sing to her soulmate.

 

They never actually confessed their feelings in words. There was no need. They _knew_. The only time they uttered the word love was through songs. But he never sang, because he _couldn't._

* * *

Then the day came when she had to believe in the evidences Ezra had shown. Her world stopped.

"You faked your entire identity?"

"I can explain."

"Nothing you could say would be enough. Have you ever seen me angry? Like really mad? Well, you'll wish you never have." Raima was an oncoming storm of hurt and angst.

"I am Shawn Mendes."

.

.

.

.

 

.

.

"Do you think this is funny?" Her eyes were the saddest he'd ever seen. She didn't believe him.

"I'm telling you the truth this time. I am Shawn Mendes and I wanted you to know me as a regular person. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve to be lied to. But it's the truth. He pleaded."

Raima was in denial. Then it dawned upon her. "I read in a magazine that he lives in Toronto but...you live cats. There was a picture if him with a cat. But this isn't.... It's not even.... Why did you lie?" She burst out.

 

But she did forgive him. Of course she did. Shawn has said it many times that he doesn't deserve her, she finally proved that he probably didn't. But she would love him anyway.

This secret may not be hidden for longer, but it was their little secret.

 

 

 

 


End file.
